To start on page one of my testimony, click here.
I was loved as a child. I was praised as a child. "Good job Stacy!", "You are so smart!", "You are beautiful!", "You are very talented!". Though all of the praises were given in love, I began to store up those praises in my heart and live for them. I loved to please people and receive their praises. And without even being aware, those praises began to puff me up and fill me with pride. I walked through my days with self-confidence. I felt that I could gain approval from everyone if I just said the right thing and did the right thing. Basketball, ballet, softball, star player with a display of trophies, gymnastics, volleyball, swimming, Jr. Olympics in high jump, saxophone, straight A's, cheerleader, narrator for the school Christmas play, I was such a sweet girl, I memorized my Bible verses, and got my sash filled with girl scout badges... My accomplishments. My accomplishments pleased my parents and my teachers and my coaches, even myself.... But did they please God?
My desire to please the Lord began to grow.
I had asked the Lord into my heart on more than one occasion as a child, but as I approached my pre-teen years I really wanted to please Him too and receive His approval. I did my best to follow His laws, to honor my parents, love my neighbor, forgive others, and say my prayers........ I truly wanted to do what was right and good. But I soon found that His standards were set so much higher than I was often able to meet. There were times when I was disobedient, times I acted in anger instead of love, times when I coveted, times I didn't feel like praying or forgiving........ Each time I fell short I became frustrated and filled with guilt.
Even worse, as time went on, I began to find my heart was often divided. I found that I didn't always agree with my parents and disobedience was sometimes quite enticing, that I preferred my response of anger over the loving choice because I wanted to prove that I was right. I found that coveting came quite naturally and I didn't think it was such a bad thing to want nice things that others had as long as I didn't take them. After all, wouldn't it be fair, to share? And I wondered why it was I who had to give in, and forgive, when clearly the other person was wrong. I wondered why I struggled so much to do what I knew I was "supposed" to do.
I was now aware of a battle going on within me.
But I did not yet understand how it was fought. I did not yet understand that the same battle takes place within every heart, that our selfish desires do not always line up with God's standards, or that everyone who tries to meet every high standard by their own effort, falls short of His glorious perfection, no matter how high our self-esteem or how strong our self-will. I didn't understand that my own efforts and accomplishments were not what God desires from us. I didn't understand the purpose that Jesus Christ came to serve. I didn't know I needed a savior.
Growing in the Truth:
It is no mystery that the Bible has given us guidelines and standards of a life of righteousness. But often the purpose of God's standards can be misunderstood. We sometimes think that we are rewarded, loved, and fulfilled in proportion to how well we follow the rules. But, God knows we are unable to meet His standards on our own. We are the only ones who think we are capable. The truth is, He alone is able to meet His perfect laws. The law is simply a discription of the nature of His perfect character. He wants us to know His character... He wants us to know our own nature... and He wants us to recognize the difference.
Read Galations 3:22-26 in the KJV
The law is our schoolmaster. (Or tutor. NKJV) The purpose of a schoolmaster is to teach and guide. It is to show us what we don't know, where we fall short, and where we need help. But the Lord is our Father!! He loves us no matter what, and He wants to scoop us up in His arms and equip us for every task. The law should reveal to us our need for His love, grace, mercy, and equipping power!
It is also good for those who love the Lord to desire to please Him. But the key there is our love for the Lord! We often strive to accomplish, by our own effort and abilities, motivated by our desire to hear (or even feel) "Good job!" That's love for self! When really, all God wants is for us to come to Him... out of our love for Him... with a humble and contrite heart... recognizing our own shortcomings, never trying to hide them... and depending on Him alone. That is what pleases Him.
Happy Give Thanks Day!!!!
"Praise the LORD! Oh give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; for His lovingkindness is everlasting." Psalm 106:1
Page Two: Seeds of Love
To start on page one of my testimony, click here.
God has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. My parents taught me about Him. They took me to Sunday school and read me Bible stories. They told me that Jesus loved me. They showed me what love is by their actions toward me. I know how blessed I was to be raised in a home such as that! I thank the Lord for every seed that was planted in my life as a child. For every truth that was taught to me and every hug that was given.
And yet, to always be loved, makes us believe somehow, that we deserve to be loved, that as long as I behaved well, there was no reason not to be loved. In fact, I was convinced as a child (incorrectly, of course) that the only people who were not loved were the bad people. And oohh... I didn't want to be one of those. How guilty I felt when I was scolded. Then I promised not to do that again.
I didn't understand my sin nature.
I didn't understand my natural inclination toward selfishness. The way each and every one of us is born with a desire to please and esteem ourselves. That I might be happy and I might be comfortable, and I might receive recognition, and I might be well liked, and I, and I, and I. I didn't understand that we are all the "bad people", and yet we are all loved. Or that the love I received was not given because I deserved to receive it.
There is a lot I didn't understand as a child. But despite my lack of understanding, seeds were being planted in my life. Each time my parents, family, or others in my life showed unconditional love toward me, it was tucked away into the soil of my heart... and that would one day begin to grow.
Growing in the Truth:
To do what is right, and good, and perfect is often strived for, but apart from Christ, it is not attained.
Romans 3:10 tells us, "There is none righteous, no not one. "
And Romans 3:23 says, "For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God."
BUT, ....(oh how I love that word, but)....
"But God demonstrates his own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
The love He demonstrated was unconditional, unselfish and complete.
Read 1 Corinthians 13.
Oh, I know you've probably heard it many times before. But have you read it lately, and really thought about the unconditional and unselfish qualities of true love?
Jump to page three.
God has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. My parents taught me about Him. They took me to Sunday school and read me Bible stories. They told me that Jesus loved me. They showed me what love is by their actions toward me. I know how blessed I was to be raised in a home such as that! I thank the Lord for every seed that was planted in my life as a child. For every truth that was taught to me and every hug that was given.
And yet, to always be loved, makes us believe somehow, that we deserve to be loved, that as long as I behaved well, there was no reason not to be loved. In fact, I was convinced as a child (incorrectly, of course) that the only people who were not loved were the bad people. And oohh... I didn't want to be one of those. How guilty I felt when I was scolded. Then I promised not to do that again.
I didn't understand my sin nature.
I didn't understand my natural inclination toward selfishness. The way each and every one of us is born with a desire to please and esteem ourselves. That I might be happy and I might be comfortable, and I might receive recognition, and I might be well liked, and I, and I, and I. I didn't understand that we are all the "bad people", and yet we are all loved. Or that the love I received was not given because I deserved to receive it.
There is a lot I didn't understand as a child. But despite my lack of understanding, seeds were being planted in my life. Each time my parents, family, or others in my life showed unconditional love toward me, it was tucked away into the soil of my heart... and that would one day begin to grow.
Growing in the Truth:
To do what is right, and good, and perfect is often strived for, but apart from Christ, it is not attained.
Romans 3:10 tells us, "There is none righteous, no not one. "
And Romans 3:23 says, "For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God."
BUT, ....(oh how I love that word, but)....
"But God demonstrates his own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8
The love He demonstrated was unconditional, unselfish and complete.
Read 1 Corinthians 13.
Oh, I know you've probably heard it many times before. But have you read it lately, and really thought about the unconditional and unselfish qualities of true love?
Jump to page three.
Page one: Prologue
I love to write. I've found it to be my outlet in an otherwise full life. My prayer is always that anything I write will glorify the Lord, and that He would direct the people of His choosing to read it, and that He would use my life experiences that I share here, to draw others closer to Him.
The wonderful thing about blogging is that people can come and go as the Lord leads them, move on with no pressure when it doesn't speak to them, or read it again and again if it does. I hope you'll stick around for this one....
"My life is an open book"
I've heard that said many times, but I'm convinced that it's usually a lie. Our human nature is to close the pages of our lives that we don't wish others to know about. To pick and choose what others read. To hide the parts of our story that don't flatter us. To place a fig leaf over our sin.
I've wrestled with that for most of my life. See, by nature, I'm a "people pleaser", wanting to please and impress the people around me with all I say and do, and hide the things they wouldn't like. When I was very young, my parent's and family's opinion of me was what mattered the most. As time went on, I added teachers, and friends, and boys to the list of people to impress. Eventually it was a boss and co-workers, followed by my husband. Along the way somewhere I discovered that people also thought it was important to please God. So I tried to do that too, but my focus was more often on trying to please and impress the people that thought it was important, like family, and my pastor, and Sunday school teachers, and other "Christians".
Everyone on the list was impressed by different things and I was trying to be them all. Some were more difficult than others to please, so I added more effort. To please one, I might disappoint another... so I did my best to keep those things hidden. I covered them with lies. Then I worked hard to live up to those lies in order that they might be believable. Sometimes I convinced them. Sometimes I even convinced myself. But at the end of the day, I didn't know who I was, for I was being pulled in every direction. I was working so hard to be the "right" thing to everyone in my life.
I was tired.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Jesus. ~Matthew 11:28
Today my soul is at rest in the arms of my Savior, and He has asked me to open the pages of my story that I have kept hidden for so long.... so that perhaps you also might rest.
If the Lord has led you here, I pray you will choose to return and join me on a journey through the hidden pages of my story, as I prayerfully take the time to share them.... one page at a time.
Growing in the Truth:
Read Genesis 3: 4-11.
We may try to hide our own sin and disobedience under a fig leaf of lies or good deeds, but our own eyes see the truth. We are afraid and we hide. God's response is, "who has told you?" For He already knew. He is not unaware of our sin, or of our need to be covered.
Read Genesis 3:21
Jesus is our tunic, and He has clothed us in His grace, mercy, truth, and love.
Jump to page two.
The wonderful thing about blogging is that people can come and go as the Lord leads them, move on with no pressure when it doesn't speak to them, or read it again and again if it does. I hope you'll stick around for this one....
"My life is an open book"
I've heard that said many times, but I'm convinced that it's usually a lie. Our human nature is to close the pages of our lives that we don't wish others to know about. To pick and choose what others read. To hide the parts of our story that don't flatter us. To place a fig leaf over our sin.
I've wrestled with that for most of my life. See, by nature, I'm a "people pleaser", wanting to please and impress the people around me with all I say and do, and hide the things they wouldn't like. When I was very young, my parent's and family's opinion of me was what mattered the most. As time went on, I added teachers, and friends, and boys to the list of people to impress. Eventually it was a boss and co-workers, followed by my husband. Along the way somewhere I discovered that people also thought it was important to please God. So I tried to do that too, but my focus was more often on trying to please and impress the people that thought it was important, like family, and my pastor, and Sunday school teachers, and other "Christians".
Everyone on the list was impressed by different things and I was trying to be them all. Some were more difficult than others to please, so I added more effort. To please one, I might disappoint another... so I did my best to keep those things hidden. I covered them with lies. Then I worked hard to live up to those lies in order that they might be believable. Sometimes I convinced them. Sometimes I even convinced myself. But at the end of the day, I didn't know who I was, for I was being pulled in every direction. I was working so hard to be the "right" thing to everyone in my life.
I was tired.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Jesus. ~Matthew 11:28
Today my soul is at rest in the arms of my Savior, and He has asked me to open the pages of my story that I have kept hidden for so long.... so that perhaps you also might rest.
If the Lord has led you here, I pray you will choose to return and join me on a journey through the hidden pages of my story, as I prayerfully take the time to share them.... one page at a time.
Growing in the Truth:
Read Genesis 3: 4-11.
We may try to hide our own sin and disobedience under a fig leaf of lies or good deeds, but our own eyes see the truth. We are afraid and we hide. God's response is, "who has told you?" For He already knew. He is not unaware of our sin, or of our need to be covered.
Read Genesis 3:21
Jesus is our tunic, and He has clothed us in His grace, mercy, truth, and love.
Jump to page two.
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